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Shunning Experiences

Following are experiences I have received or read that shows how disfellowshipped people are treated and the effect on their lives. Reading the Watchtower's clinical prescription of the benefits of shunning is tempered by these real life examples, which number in the hundreds of thousands.

Today my father said his good bye's. My mother sat in the car, too heart broken to come and face me......

I was born "in the truth", baptized in 1992 and disfellowshipped in 1995. I tried to go back several times but to no avail. My mother doesn't speak to me, neither does one of my brothers and my sister. My sister is not baptized but she won't allow her kids to talk to me either. My mother sends my 15-year-old son snail mail but it's not to see how he's doing, it's to preach to him and send a magazine.

I was a Jehovah's Witness baptized at 11. I am 33 now. Leaving was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself. Many of my family members are still Jehovah's Witnesses. Many of them are mean and play games. They like to make me feel left out. I am very good now but I still struggle to deal with the loss of not being a part of my family.

My husband and I walked away from the religion last July 2009 after approximately 38 years (*since birth) being in/around the "truth". We were subsequently disfellowshipped last December 2009 for celebrating Christmas. When we announced to family that we were leaving the organization we were met with a horrendous onslaught of berating, name calling, shouting, and shunning. The behavior they all displayed shocked and floored my husband and I because we had never known any of them to be so callous and cruel. After the announcement, my husbands side of the family has chosen to not only shun us completely, but to also shun our two small children even when they have requested to see their grandma and grandpa or cousins. They will have nothing to do with any of us. It hurts my kids a lot. My family, who started out to be the most callous towards us, ended up being the most accepting after the announcement. While they do not associate with us in a recreational way, they do still talk to us and they have also visited several times. They also make sure to spend time with our kids still as they normally would have. Both my husband and I come from families of Elders and ministerial servants and the stark contrast in the way each side treats us makes no sense.

I was a pioneer and elder for many years , giving talks at assemblies and special days.

I decided to investigate Jehovah's Witnesses when my children started asking questions and having learnt the facts decided to come off as an elder and stopped going to meetings. I agreed with the circuit overseer not to discuss my doubts with the brothers and was never disfellowshipped or marked by the congregation and still attend many congregation social events with my wife , who continues going to the Kingdom Hall.

My family however took it upon themselves to shun me , feeling that my congregation should have dealt judicially with me. They also shun my wife , even though she is a faithful witness , because she didn't leave me. My sister emailed to to say she would ignore any contact from me whatsoever , until I "came back to Jehovah and his Faithful Slave class". Another lives locally & crosses the road when she sees me or my wife. I still send them anniversary cards (for JWs these are something of a substitute for birthday and Christmas cards as a means of keeping in touch) but they don't reciprocate.

The whole shunning experience has proved an eye-opener and a bad witness for people in the community , most of whom don't understand why Jehovah's Witnesses , whom claim to be Christians , act in this manner. My children are puzzled that their grandparents , uncles & aunts from an entire side of the family shun us and as a result , they want nothing to do with witnesses when they become of age.

The process of disfellowshipping quite literally cut me off from my family. My kids were told they could no longer have association of any kind with me. My daughter called me long distance from Vancouver — I lived in Saskatoon at the time. She heard the news within a few days and called me to ask, a quiver in her voice, “Mom, is it true that you are disfellowshipped?”

I replied more calmly than I imagined I could, “Yes, it is true.”

My daughter began to sob, “Mom, you have to come back!”

“I won’t be coming back,” I heard myself say.

She hung up the phone and I knew the shunning had begun.

For the rest of this experience see whichwayisup

I was disfellowshipped at the age of 16 for drinking and "hooking up" with the elders daughter ... basically being a common teenager. My whole family turned me away - I was homeless from 16 - 18. I was able to create a great life for myself as time went on but haven't spoken with my parents since I was 16. I'm now 31 and I have no clue who they are.

I am very interested in learning about what Jehovah's Witnesses preach, believe and how the "Organization" operates. My reason is personal. I am not a Jehovah's Witness but I am going through a break-up with a girl who is a Jehovah's Witness and whom I love. In brief, we have been involved in a relationship. A Jehovah's Witness at the place where we both work found out about our relationship. She informed her father, an elder. That elder then advised this girl to speak to the elders of her congregation. A committee of three elders was formed to speak to her. She was petrified. They effectively told her that if she did not stop seeing me and leave her place of employment, she would be disfellowshipped. She told me that if she chose to leave, then ALL her Jehovah's Witness friends (without exception) would shun her.

I was morally outraged at what I saw as the abuse of the immense psychological power this "Organization" has over its members (an issue you deal with much better than I can on your website). If a government were putting immense pressure on a citizen to leave a relationship and find a different job or be shunned by the polity, that would surely constitute an infringement of that person's human rights.

Many times I was unable to spend any time with, or talk on the phone with, my little sister, who has Down's Syndrome and cannot just stand up for herself to my family. My JW family is keeping us from each other.

The usual fanatical shunning comes with the explanation that it is for them a preparation for my eventual death at armageddon. My family loves to throw the shock and horror death talk tactic alongside the "everybody misses you", and "YOU know what to do" to see us all again. They make sure to always have a condescending tone, as if my life is pointless and futile, and my opinions and individuality mean zero...unless I carry the brand JW.

It takes everything in me to not react to them like a crazed woman when they come onto me with that predictable mentality! I usually end up in tears after we have any conversation.

I feel very passionately about this subject, it is absolutely an emotionally abusive tool!!!!! I have grown to Hate and Abhor the Jehovah's Witness Religion with all my broken heart. They have stolen my family, they have stolen some good friends, they have created a perfect nightmare for any honest, good-hearted person.

I was never formally disfellowshipped because I just walked away and was inactive, but they still shun me as if I were disfellowshipped. What's weird is that I lost all contact with my family for about six years. Then they suddenly decided to associate with me again. It was really nice, and I didn't understand it, but I just went along with it because I had them back, and they were leaving me alone as far as religion goes. I thought maybe the society had come up with new guidelines for immediate family members and that maybe it was acceptable to associate with them again. Then a few years later they suddenly informed me that they would have to stop associating with me again, because their attempts to get me back into the "truth" were to no avail (even though they didn't make much of an attempt). I went through a short period of depression, but then was pretty good with it.

My wife and I have been shunned by the witnesses and witness family simply because we no longer go to the meetings. The congregation's shunning of us no doubt has something to do with the local needs talk we heard about "dishonorable ones" ie..."ones who have stopped coming to meetings and service". "Never should the congregation fool themselves into thinking that they can help someone who has quit going to meetings to come back by associating with them. The only place that association would be a good idea is at the Kingdom Hall." "If they don't go to meetings and serve shoulder to shoulder then why would you associate with them?" - That local needs was the final nail in the coffin for us.

My family has begun a businesslike approach with us over the last couple of months. The only contact we receive is when it's "necessary family matters". Then my best friend, (He doesn't go...yet he went to the convention with his wife and kids), told me how the JWs were hitting hard on remaining loyal to God's organization and that would include being ready to sever ties with family who "leave Jehovah and his organization" (I guess not going to meetings = leaving God....what a crock). Anyway, since we didn't go to the convention then, we've been viewed by family as ones who have already started turning their back on Jehovah. No more chit chat phone calls....simply facts and businesslike.

I've been "weak" for over a decade, never did get "strong" again after being disfellowshipped and later re-instated. I think it was being disfellowshipped that really opened my eyes to the control, lack of love, lack of compassion and mercy that shocked me.

Since leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses its weird. You had a whole extended family of Aunts and uncles and cousins that you chatted to regularly that you think give a stuff about what’s going with you and then you make the decision finally to leave and suddenly you are alone in the world with hardly anyone who knows or understands your background. And you see some people down the street of your town and they may not even acknowledge you or may say hello, but just because you left its like they have nothing to say to you. It is uncomfortable for me because I think they’re judging me, and uncomfortable for them because I rejected their beliefs. BUT I knew the consequences of rejecting that belief system. Doesn't make it any easier!!!

I disassociated myself about 5 months ago. My family have nothing to do with me even though one of them is disfellowshipped. The reason why I chose to disassociate myself was for myself, to be free from guilt trips and being made to feel so awful for what I had done. I do get my really down times especially when I think about how hard it must be for them to adapt to me not being in their lives any more but then I have to think they made the decision and if it wasn't for the organization it wouldn't of had to be like this. I just merely wanted to be happy and in order for that I had to leave the organization. In general I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, I'm with someone who truly makes me happy and understands what I've had to come through. It's been a battle but everyday I'm getting stronger.

Over 15 years I have been shunned, not shunned, to shunned and then not shunned. Such yo-yoing. I shake my head in disbelief that parents can do this to their children, like what has been done to my sister and me.

About 9 months ago my wife was disfellowshipped and she's handled it surprisingly well considering her entire immediate family and "friends" don’t talk to her anymore.

I was confronted by my sister and my brother and told that as long as I continued my worldly behaviour they would have nothing to do with me (I faded, was not disfellowshipped). I had confided in my sister months earlier that I had been molested by my brother, yet they confronted me together with this decision.

My Dad poked fun at another religion for shunning their son because he didn't believe their church doctrines ... then denied that his own church encourages the same behaviour, even when told that their policy is published on their own official website.

I left about six months ago from the JW's even though I had no where to go I had to get out. I was so ashamed of living a lie and most of all lying to my family. My oldest sister who for the most part raised me has been the one who I've found being shunned by hurts the most. When I left I had to stay in a shelter for a short while and since I am from a small town I pretty much had to stay at the shelter until I found means to move.

At first I lied to my sister because I wasn't sure how to tell her where I was or that I was not only leaving our fathers home but also their religion. My sister is 31, she married in 'the truth' and has three beautiful children. Her kids have been my world since the day I found out she was going to have her first son. He is almost 8 now, his younger brother is about to be 4, and their baby sister is 2. My sister, once I finally told her that I was leaving the JW's, lost it as I explained to her why I was leaving. It came down to one thing in her eyes, not all of the wrong that we had both watched go on for years within several congregations, she simply could not get over the fact that I finally came out and told her that I was gay.

She went on the typical JW rant on how wrong homosexuality is and how I should simply erase those thoughts and marry a nice brother. Since then I have only heard from her twice. I send her a text message and call about once a month trying to get word. She has only responded twice in six months! It is always short and sweet. I simply asked how they were holding up in some recent bad weather, once when we had snow in Feb. the other was a few weeks ago when I found that a tornado hit near by where she lives. She simply replied that they were fine and that they had passed the mini carnival in town and the kids asked about me (this broke my heart because it was the first she'd mentioned the kids since I left and I always took them to the carnival.) In tears I texted her back then called both her cell and home phone left her messages all evening until I cried myself to sleep.

We had always been so close and her kids were like my own. My heart is broken. Being told how horrible of a person I am, how worthless, and that I could no longer see or speak with my nephews and neice has been the biggest of all daggers in my heart. The one I looked up to my whole life now looks at me in shame, she simply turned her back and took her kids (my world) away with her.

I just got a letter from my grandmother, who raised me like her own daughter. In it, she said that she heard that I disassociated and that's the same as disfellowshipping. If that's true, it would severely change our relationship. She went on and on about grandfather looking for me and being very sad on not finding me [in the New System] when he is resurrected.

Emotional blackmail and holding families hostage for payment of servitude from wayward family members is just horrid.