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Adam's Letter To His Mother - Shunning
The following letter is remarkable in its ability to outline what is wrong with shunning, and how unfair it can be for those raised as a Jehovah's Witness.
Hey Mom,
I just to let you know things are going better for me. I never hear from you, but I'm assuming that you care.
I found a great job that is treating me very well, giving me the opportunity to travel, earn good money, and am almost all the way back on my feet. It won't be long before I can afford to take Melissa back to court and force her to let me see my sons.
I was riding back to work with the roof open and the heat blasting and it reminded me of how it used to drive you nuts how I had to have the windows cracked anytime heat was on in the car no matter how cold it was outside and it left me in tears missing you.
We haven't spoken in years and I don't even have a way to reach you.
Dad told me once that it really hurt you when I left and moved so far away to Florida, but I didn't have a choice. It hurt to bad to live in the same city as a family that rejected me because I didn't share the same religious beliefs as them, that's the real reason I left.
When I was baptized, I wasn't old enough to vote, get married, or drink, but I was apparently old enough to make a life-time decision that would make me lose my parents and brothers once I realized it wasn't what I wanted.
I never let myself be upset with you about this because I couldn't deal with it and just tried to mask the pain with drugs, sex, alcohol, or any other vice I could find to make me not feel anything.
I was talking to Gretchen (my therapist) the other day and I realized that I carry more baggage with me from losing my family that I ever realized and how deep that pain runs and how it has affected every relationship I have ever had. And you and Dad can say I didn't lose you, but I did. It's not my choice that I don't believe what you do anymore than it's your choice that you do believe.
It makes me so angry when I see how you guys are friends and love everyone else in the family that aren't Jehovah's Witnesses but want nothing to do with me. I wasn't old enough to make that decision when I was baptized & never truly believed, I wasn't given a choice.
I just did what kids do and tried to excel at what I thought my parents wanted. But, I get punished for the rest of my life, not invited to my brother's wedding, don't meet my nephews, lose both my parents, all because I let someone dip me in a pool as a teenage kid. (some loving god)
I've acted out, fucked up a lot, and made a lot of mistakes, but if you guys took the time to know me now & who I really am and what I've overcome you would probably like me, but who knows (not me because we don't know each other anymore).
Anyways, this is a shitty way to have to talk to you (on Facebook where you won't even accept my friend request), but I don't have any other way to do it, since I don't even have a phone number or address for my mother but I had to tell you how much I miss you and love you. I miss having a mom and talking to you and seeing you.
You were an amazing mom when I was growing up and it's not your fault that Judy knocked on our door and convinced you that what she was selling was the truth. You bought and I'm just a sacrifice that you all decided was worth it.
If you ever want to talk my phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. I'm sure I'll never hear from you (I've spent far to long waiting to hear from you ever to expect it ever again), but I will be thrilled if I do.
Your forgotten son,
Adam
Written December 2015.
Paul Grundy 2005 - 2024